"Mommy"

I came home tonight after leaving her with the sitter Christina. Gavin is in LA and I have been with this little girl in this apartment round the clock, because its been so cold. Oh, and I had a migraine the other day, which I haven't had in 15 years. Eye spots and vomiting and sensitivity to light, the whole nine. Anyway, lets just say I desperately needed a break. I tooled around the city, took in a movie, had tea all by myself, anonymous, alone. Heaven. I bounded up the stairs at 8pm, knowing she was getting ready for bed, so I hustled because I didn't want the sitter to have a cranky nightmare on her hands. I walked in and she was surprised to see me, but thrilled as I was hoping. She ran over to me in her almost-too small green froggy onesie and pointed to my shoulder and said; "mommy." I am tearing up right now as I type this. I have waited my whole life for this, and I didn't even really know. I thought I wanted to go to Brown, or write a book, or be rich, have better hair, or a better body, or whiter teeth, or know more artists, or live in a loft, or summer in France but no. This is light years better than anyone could have conveyed to me in words. I just realized now, that this is the name I've always wanted to be called. I feel complete.