"Mommy"

I came home tonight after leaving her with the sitter Christina. Gavin is in LA and I have been with this little girl in this apartment round the clock, because its been so cold. Oh, and I had a migraine the other day, which I haven't had in 15 years. Eye spots and vomiting and sensitivity to light, the whole nine. Anyway, lets just say I desperately needed a break. I tooled around the city, took in a movie, had tea all by myself, anonymous, alone. Heaven. I bounded up the stairs at 8pm, knowing she was getting ready for bed, so I hustled because I didn't want the sitter to have a cranky nightmare on her hands. I walked in and she was surprised to see me, but thrilled as I was hoping. She ran over to me in her almost-too small green froggy onesie and pointed to my shoulder and said; "mommy." I am tearing up right now as I type this. I have waited my whole life for this, and I didn't even really know. I thought I wanted to go to Brown, or write a book, or be rich, have better hair, or a better body, or whiter teeth, or know more artists, or live in a loft, or summer in France but no. This is light years better than anyone could have conveyed to me in words. I just realized now, that this is the name I've always wanted to be called. I feel complete.

Jamaican Morning Buns

We went to Jamaica on a whim for Christmas this year. I googled "family resort carribean" and this joint Pebbles came up first. Major selling point, nanny incuded in the price. All inclusive booze, snacks, meals, transport, lodging, babysitter all day long.
It was actually the most relaxed and rested I have felt since this squirt was born. Wanna read Atonement or Among the Thugs by the pool all day long? No problem mon! Wanna spontaneously grab your husband and go snorkling on a coral reef, why, you can do that too. I felt like I was 32 again. I tanned my face without a thought of tomorrow's wrinks. I ate jerk chicken with my fingers and eavesdropped on boring normies with abandon. I actually started to miss this terror every once and again, so I would spy on her while she would play with her nanny. She was always up to no good, just like a munch should.